Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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