no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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