theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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