Michael Bay diarrhea
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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