you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
