you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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