What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
