apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
