AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
