It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
