I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
