I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
