Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need moral support for this bender
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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