I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
