woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize