i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
