also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
