I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize