so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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