I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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