Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
