"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
