Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
