We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
