You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
