so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
