I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
