Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
