Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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