i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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