This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
