Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
