whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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