Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
