you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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