Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
