Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
