Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this just has baby written all over it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
