Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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