I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
