there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
