Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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