I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize