Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
