yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
