Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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