I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
