Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
