Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
