woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you would pick up someone in the library
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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