I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
