My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
