He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
