If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
