One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
