i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize