she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
