Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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