He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
