I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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