Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
