He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
