matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
